With Whom I Lay My Trust
by Goofy-Charli
Summary: Sakura felt like she should have been crying. After all, she had nothing left. Everything and everyone she had ever cared about was either dead or believed she was a traitor.  Sakura-centric reflective


This story I actually wrote as an epilogue to a plot idea that was swimming around in my head. Since I'm not sure I'll ever write the story, I figured I might as well share this with you as it can be a story in its own right. It is set in an alternate universe which branches out from about the point Sakura takes out Sasori. Spoilers for Shippuuden.

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><p>-With Whom I Lay My Trust-<p>

Sakura felt like she should have been crying. After all, she had nothing left. Everything and everyone she had ever cared about was either dead or believed she was a traitor. That was surely enough cause for tears. Sighing and shaking her head, Sakura began to think back upon her days in the Leaf Village. Life was so simple, _she _was so simple – but she was happy. One decision changed her life, for better or worse she still wasn't sure. Sakura knew she should never have gotten involved with the Akatsuki; she had just been so desperate to prove herself. If she had only known what would become of her, Sakura was sure she would have never convinced Tsunade to let her be their double agent. It really was too much. It started out innocent enough, at least as innocent as something can be with the Akatsuki involved, but from there things began to spin out of control. The Kunoichi's overall opinion of the organisation's members changed dramatically. She found a friendship in them all, fell in love with Deidara, and had an affair with Itachi when her relationship hit rocky water.  
>"What a stupid girl I was,"she sighed to herself quietly, "And in the end, what did I achieve?"<br>Her thoughts were tangled, and her feelings confusing – nothing made sense.

Turning her head towards the sunset, Sakura thought about her words. What _had _she achieved? She never figured out where her loyalty was - and thus wound up betraying both sides. The Leaf Village had shunned her, she was a traitor to them and would probably be arrested the next time anyone saw her, and the Akatsuki had labelled her "kill on sight". Not even the most evil organisation on the continent would accept her. However, she knew she deserved it. Half of the Akatsuki were now dead, and many from the Leaf were too. No matter how she looked at it, Sakura couldn't help but think it was all because of her. Yet, although it pained her to think the deaths of her friends were her fault – it hurt even more when she thought of the rumours she had heard about Deidara. Had he really committed suicide? Did he really _blow_ _himself up_?  
>"I <em>will <em>come back to you," he promised every time he went into battle.  
>Sakura wondered if he ever loved her at all, otherwise why would he so carelessly kill himself and break his promise? She should have been crying, but instead she was angry. Angry at him, angry at the Akatsuki, angry at Konoha – but most of all, when it panned out, she was angry at herself. How could she have been so damn stupid? After what she did why would <em>anyone <em>want to be with her, let alone Deidara? Yet, still…Sakura couldn't help but wonder if he really _was _dead when she remembered something else he had once said to her.

"_Life isn't fair, life never makes sense, but life goes on, yeah. Just remember, most of the time whatever you think of it is wrong."  
><em>

Those were the only words that kept Sakura still turning towards the future.  
><em>"Whatever you think of it is wrong." Maybe there is some truth in that, <em>she thought.  
>Sakura knew Deidara too well to believe he would leave her so abruptly. He loved his art, he loved his job and he loved his pride - but he loved her more. Even after her betrayal of the Akatsuki <em>surely <em>some of those feelings would have remained. The fool had faked his death once before, so perhaps he did again. It would be an easy way to escape from the world and start a new life. It was a long shot, but it was possible.  
><em>Start a new life…<br>_Sakura's thoughts were beginning to clear. The Leaf Village didn't want her, the Akatsuki didn't want her, but surely somewhere else might. The world was bigger than the Fire country, and it was bigger than Konoha.

Sakura was young and unafraid, her life wasn't ending because of this – it was merely beginning. She had always thought she would stay in the Hidden Leaf Village forever, but just as Deidara had said, she was wrong. Filled with a new sense of hope, Sakura turned her Akatsuki coat inside out and began walking to the Fire country's border. Grabbing her forehead protector, she traced the line she had slashed so long ago with her thumb before throwing it into a nearby bush. She didn't belong to Konoha and she wasn't a rouge ninja anymore. She was just a person, an individual belonging to herself and herself alone.

Walking with no particular idea as to where she was going after she left the country, Sakura felt she could finally let the past go. Her acceptance of what happened helped her realise something very important – she regretted nothing. Her decision to work with the Akatsuki was only to protect her friends, and her village. Her decision to work against Konoha at the same time was only to protect her new friends and her second home. And most of all, her decision to betray both sides was only to protect the two most important people in her life. She had prevented the Leaf village from harming Deidara, and the Akatsuki from harming Naruto. What she sacrificed was irrelevant. Somewhere out in the world, Sakura believed those two were still alive – at least one of them definitely was. Whether she saw them ever again didn't matter either, but it wouldn't stop her from hoping.  
><em>This is what I have achieved, <em>Sakura thought, smiling at the beauty of the sunset, _I protected the two people I love the most in this world. I suppose, that is _my_ ninja way._

The Kunoichi wandered on until the trees stopped and there was nothing but sand. She would cross many countries – even continents – to find a place where she belonged. Her old life had a future already planned, but her new future was yet to be discovered. Sakura wanted to leave the pages blank, and to deal with everything as it happened. She only planned one thing – one day she was going to marry a man with blue eyes and golden hair. Whether it was short and spiky, or long and silky, she didn't know. For now, she was just going to keep on thinking about them both and pray they thought about her. Because if anything Naruto ever said was true, then wherever they were was the place she would return. They were her home, and she loved them.

Sakura had been travelling for days. She was tired, hungry, dirty and bruised – but none of that mattered as long as she kept on moving forward. Deep down in her heart, past the events of her old life, she knew without an utter of a doubt that things always worked out in the end. And as long as she kept on believing, everything was going to be okay.


End file.
